Being Seen and Accepted
by Pamelah Landers
Intuitive Leadership Mentor and International Author
Repost from a newsletter I shared in May 2018. It's still true!
Note: By the time I finished typing this, I was surprised at what "poured out" of my fingers. I usually don't rant this way, but apparently it's what is being called forth today!
How amazing does it feel when somebody really "gets you" or "sees you" and accepts you? It rocks, right?
Is there anything more satisfying to a human being as truly being acknowledged for being you, just the way you are?
- No changes required.
- You're not broken.
- Nothing needs to be fixed.
This conversation came up three times on Friday in completely unrelated circumstances. When a topic shows up 3 times, it says to me, "pay attention." Thus, I am.
The BEST feeling for me and people with whom I connect, is that we have so much permission to share the difficulties through which we are struggling. The more authentically we share the messy stuff, the more intimacy there is. With intimacy comes receiving love. Being seen and accepted. We get to feel supported. A Huge Relief. No need to only show the "shiny" and good things.
So, here's the deal: if you want to be seen for who you are, then you accepting who you are and sharing it, especially the messy parts, is the best way to be seen. And accepted. Crying in front of others, for example, may feel messy to you. Do you do it? Or do you go away to be alone to cry?
The Law of Attraction
The law of attraction says that everything is a vibrational match.
If you are judging or not being accepting of a what you might consider a messy part of you and try to hide it, there is no way anybody can appreciate, honor, accept or support you with that. It's not a vibrational match for somebody to praise you or acknowledge you on a part of you that you don't accept or that you hide. It's universal law. You won't take it in. It won't feel familiar to you.
So there is no amount of external praise or complimenting that will ever "fill up" or replace what you are hiding. Nobody can tell you 'enough' how amazing you are to make you feel good on a topic where you don't feel amazing.
Let's say you like to cook and make up new recipes. People who eat these foods compliment you. If you don't feel good about the creations, no amount of external praise will make you feel good about it long term. Maybe in the moment then you go back to self-doubt or self-diminishment.
There is good news:
I know because I have done it: share the messy stuff with somebody you trust who has your back, who loves you in the messy stuff, can see it, honors it, and has tools to help you move through it without making it wrong. It can give you a safe space to be messy.
For me, once I am open about what's going on that feels hard for me, it dissipates, dissolves and moves through. It's no longer an issue in the same way.
It's the secret, the hiding out that keeps the challenges in place. Telling the truth to myself, that is what opens space for freedom. As I've heard for decades, " the truth will set you free." It's actually a reality.
On a regular basis my friend close friends and I share our fears, messy parts, place where we want to hold on to control and to "make something happen." We listen to each other without judgment. Then offer feedback, telling the truth of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that behavior. It's so amazingly supportive, expanding and authentic because we are both telling the truth - to ourselves first then with each other. in a safe environment. And we each feel better after we've talked things through. This happens weekly in my life. So things move pretty fast.
I've shared so many stories with you through my newsletters about these processes, awarenesses and openings. I don't hide it. I share the messy stuff and the good stuff.
Because I do, I have heard from many of you of how much you trust me because I'm vulnerable and authentic. And for many of you it gives you permission to be more honest with yourself and people in your life! I'm so happy about that.
I'm so happy that the risks I take to be vulnerable and open, messy and honest are supporting you to do the same.
My blind spots are my blind spots. I don't see stuff about myself that is so obvious to others! We all have that. I don't wallow in the blind spots, however. When it's time for them to come up, they do. I ask for help to get through it. I ask for feedback on what is so obvious to others about me that is getting in my way. I hear it without making the other person wrong (that is a learned behavior by the way - I wasn't always that way) and actually appreciate the feedback by somebody with whom I have a trusting relationship (note: it's not everybody!)
It's not everything all at once either. We are not designed to deal with all the blind spots at once. One at a time is perfect so I can process it, and move through it. Then the next one. I'm totally aligned with that process. Sometimes the same blind spot comes up again and again. I'm now OK with that too because I have help and don't have to figure it out on my own. The next layer.
My regular blind spot is trusting the process, trusting that things are unfolding perfectly and in alignment when my mind doesn't get it. My friends can see and feel when I get out of alignment with trust. Then provide insights about how I'm doing it THIS TIME so I can see, then move back on track. I count on them for this support, ask for it and trust their insights. We've developed that over time. Each friend has specific intuitive talents so I will ask the one best suited for where I am stuck.
If you want somebody to see you, get you, honor you, you can start by "getting" yourself, "seeing yourself" and "honoring" yourself one step at a time. Tell yourself the truth about how you feel, what you want, where you feel scared or insecure and what makes you mad. And tell yourself where you excel, what you have passion for and what lights you up.
I don't suggest trying to be seen by somebody who is mean to you or doesn't want you to feel good about yourself. It won't work. No matter how much you try to " make them see you" they won't. Their investment in keeping you small, diminished or less than is NOT LOVE. Somebody who puts you down or demeans you is NOT LOVE. It's not acceptance. It's not support. It's not getting you at all. This could include some family members, even a partner. Choose wisely.
Maybe you ARE invested in NOT being seen. Maybe that keeps you in a story that translates into not having to take any action to expand or be more visible. I get it. Then you can keep sharing with unsafe people.
But if you are really ASKING to be SEEN and you are really ASKING to be VISIBLE, then who you choose to support you is EVERYTHING.
I Can Help
One of my skill sets is seeing people. I see who you are through your design by using the tool of Hand Analysis. I see you using my very well developed intuition skill set. Plus, my life experience puts a lot of pieces together with ease.
If you desire to be seen in any of these ways, please email in response to this newsletter. Or you can go to my website listed below and see options under Programs and more descriptions under the Hand Analysis tab as well as the Leadership tab.