Consent. This is a topic that I focused on this week for a group I lead. I'm feeling inspired to share some of the consciousness with you all.
If you have been in a class with me, had your hands read, are a friend, or in any regular contact with me, you have probably heard me talk about the importance of asking. It's universal law - ask and it is given.
There is no giving if the other person or people are not asking. Like with this newsletter - you asked to be on the list. You opted in. You are at full choice based on the subject if you want to read it or not. Consent is present. Asking is present. Giving is present.
However, if you are providing something for somebody who is not asking, the chances of them receiving are pretty small. This can then turn into resentment on both parts. If they are not asking, there is no consent for you to give. Distrust can follow.
For example, on a very small scale, you choose to create a surprise party for your partner, and your partner doesn't really like surprises - which you know from previous experience. You may not receive the pleasure from the event you are asking to receive. And your partner could be unhappy with you. No consent. It's actually violating the expectation that your partner has in place that you won't create surprises.
No asking. No giving. No receiving. No consent. Resentment. Trust issues. Relationship challenges.
Consent is moment by moment. Consent is not a blanket thing.
Before this conversation came into my life, I used to believe that if a client is paying me, then I have full consent to share my insights that come in the moment, or knowledge, data, information in our private time together or in a group. Turns out that's not true. I found out the hard way.
I was facilitating a course where there were private sessions also outside of class time. I assumed, because "Betty" (not her real name) had brought up a subject in a previous session about abuse that I had full permission in our next session to bring it up. Wrong. I didn't ask Betty if it was OK on that particular day to talk about it.
She was in so much shock about me doing this, and not fully present, that she didn't have the resources to stop me in the moment. I assumed Betty's silence was consent to keep going.
I was so wrong and learned from that experience it would be best if I'm delving into something that the client hasn't brought up "today" that it's not OK to proceed without checking in.
I felt some guilt when I discovered later what happened. I had to get honest with myself about my assumptions and start making some changes.
I've had multiple experiences on both sides of this - sharing without consent and people "providing" what they felt was appropriate without my consent. I've been in groups where others were sharing things without consent to the whole group. Consent is a moment-by-moment experience meaning just because you had agreements yesterday doesn't mean it's true today. Respecting somebody's "yes" or "no" is very important.
Here is the bigger thing I learned, because of my intuitive downloads that come all the time: just because I'm receiving an intuitive insight doesn't meant it's the right time to share. The options are:
- I can check in with myself and ask, "is this the right timing to share this?"
- I can ask the other person, "I'm receiving an insight, intuitive hit - would you like to hear it?"
- or "I'm receiving an insight on this topic. Is it OK to proceed?"
What I've learned is that if I ask these questions, the chances of the other person actually receiving what I'm sharing is much higher. If they say "yes," they are also more open to listening. If I just blurt it out, there isn't any preparation for them to receive and sometimes that is brutal to their system.
I was facilitating an intuition group recently and asked if I could share some Hand Analysis info (they all had a marking on the same finger so it was relevant to the entire group). They agreed so were much more receptive to hearing what I had to say and could take it in. One of them thanked me out loud for sharing the info.
Consent is an ongoing journey. Consciousness around it can be really helpful for every relationship you are in. You have the right to say "stop" or "no" if somebody is overstepping your boundaries, if they are not in alignment with consent you have provided.
I can feel I will be doing another email around this. Enough for today.