New E-Book: 10 Most Common Intimacy Barriers & Suggestions

New E-Book: 10 Most Common Intimacy Barriers & Suggestions

New e-book available: 10 Most Common Intimacy Barriers
How to Invite More Connection with Family & Others into Your Life

Why I wrote this book

For decades, since being a young child, I became very observant about relationship dynamics. Between adults, adults with children, between children (I have 5 siblings), with friends, family friends, teachers, ministers and people in authority.

There was always a part of me that felt at times, "if only they understood things more clearly about themselves, they might make different choices." I saw that as a child, teen, young adult and certainly as a more mature adult. The different choices could create more connection instead of disconnection.

I'm a big believer in taking responsibility for what is mine, how I contribute to a relationship's success of difficulties because that is where I have complete contribution. "Nobody can make me do or feel anything. That is on me."

In 2018 I posted a 10-part series on identifying intimacy barriers. At the time I didn't offer any suggestions. In this book I've taken those 10 posts, expanded, added more stories and examples, pictures, clarifying about the identified intimacy barrier...and have added multiple suggestions in each chapter. Little steps that can be taken. My life living philosophy is one step at a time.

The purpose of this book is to identify situations where there may be intimacy barriers and then provide some suggestions to make small step or shifts, to bridge the gap between the barrier and a more satisfying connection.

If you are asking for more intimacy in your life with all the relationships that matter, this book can be very helpful.

Barriers to intimacy exist, first of all, inside of you. How you talk with yourself, your mind chatter, your blind spots, your shadow sides could be places that get projected onto a relationship dynamic with another person. You may feel disconnected, find yourself blaming or judging them, and notice there is an intimacy barrier. What is yours to do?

This book is full of stories, some about me, plus tangible examples of what to notice that may shift a barrier to feeling more connection with another person: child, friends, co-worker, partner, family members. It's not just about partners.

Chapter titles are listed below. Also see an excerpt from the Intimacy Barrier #4: Ignoring or Hiding Feelings

You can obtain your copy here of 10 Most Common Intimacy Barriers:

download in PDF format

Click here

Excerpt: Intimacy Barrier #4: Ignoring and/or Hiding Feelings

(this chapter is 4 pages in the book, thus this is only a portion)

Oh, boy. I am so familiar with this one personally! That's how I know it's an intimacy barrier.

I used to be an expert at hiding how I feel. The "mask" I call it. Putting on a mask so nobody can see if I'm feeling hurt or angry or irritated.

Mostly masking what I decided were "unacceptable feelings" according to years of responses from others.

The mask was well practiced to have a completely inexpressive face. No give-aways about feeling hurt, or scared or angry. It was OK to show happiness a bit so as I shared, more the “unacceptable feelings” were hidden from view. Along with hiding them, I also “pushed them down,” away from my consciousness so I could eventually ignore how I was feeling and “just move on.”

I’m sure you’ve heard people say, either to you or observing with others, “Just get over it and move on!”

Feeling your feelings is a very significant master path to not be in "intimacy barrier" land. This includes the full spectrum from sadness to joy, from grief to pleasure, from anger to passion, from boredom to excitement.

~ Your feelings are the key to your truth.

~ Your feelings are touchstones for what is actually calling you into next steps.

~ Your feelings tell you what is happening for you.

Feelings are different than thoughts. Thoughts come from the mind. Feelings are felt in your body. Your body’s wisdom informs if something “feels right or feels wrong” in a moment. So having a relationship with your body and knowing how to trust your body’s wisdom is key to trusting your feelings.


Notice the difference between feelings and thoughts. Can you distinguish? This is primary in order to know what to trust.

Here is suggestion #5: If you feel angry “at” somebody, you may want to talk through the feelings with another person first to feel what is your truth. Blaming somebody else for your feelings, as we saw, creates an intimacy barrier. So, gaining clarity about your feelings, what is happening for you, could be super helpful. I do this all the time with my close friends.

Chapter Titles
Intimacy Barrier #1: Self-deprecation, Self-Meanness, Belittling or Undervaluing Yourself

Intimacy Barrier #2: “Fill Me Up” 

Intimacy Barrier #3: Unrealistic Expectations and Unclear Agreements

Intimacy Barrier #4: Ignoring and/or Hiding Feelings

Intimacy Barrier #5: I'm Busy

Intimacy Barrier #6: Blaming, Judging and Nagging

Intimacy Barrier #7: I Wish It Were Different

Intimacy Barrier #8: Walking Away – Leaving

Intimacy Barrier #9: Withholding Praise

Intimacy Barrier #10: Comparisons


This e-book is available now

You can obtain your copy here of 10 Most Common Intimacy Barriers:

download in PDF format


Click here