by Pamelah Landers
Artist, Hand Analyst and Intuitive
Last week I shared examples of asking for help and receiving it. The examples were focused on becoming conscious I had asked for support, then receiving it, acknowledging the request was being fulfilled.
This week I'm focusing on saying "yes" to offers of being supported, when you didn't make a "direct request."
The reason this matters:
Not receiving can lead to intimacy barriers. I'm not saying that receiving everything that is offered is required. What I AM saying is that being conscious of saying "yes" to offers, especially if you are used to "doing it yourself" may increase intimacy and/or connection in all relationships.
Imagine this: If you like to "give to others," doesn't it feel great when they receive what you provide? With grace? So...imagine that others would feel also better if you receive what they offer.
Start with little things if this is new to you - let others: open a door, clear the table after a meal, get coffee or tea for you at work, read a bedtime story to your child.
Start paying attention to where you resist offers of support.
I'm providing a few examples that demonstrate different circumstances over recent days where I was offered support. Some were an easy "yes" and one not so much.
Last week my friend Dawn Nocera (photo of us in 2019) was taking me to the airport for my trip to Los Angeles. Arriving early at my place, because it worked for both of us, I did ask her to do a specific project. When that was complete, I shared, so she would know, "What I still need to do before leaving is finish packing, do the dishes and pack up my computer." Dawn immediately volunteered to do the dishes. I hadn't asked her specifically nor had it occurred to me to ask. However, she volunteered and I said, "yes." I felt so grateful and relieved!
My friend, Steve, who picked me up at the airport, also took me to lunch and paid for it. Unexpected, I so appreciated his offer and accepted it with grace and joy.
Then on the evening of the 2nd day of the workshop I was attending, following some healing work I had requested from him, Lou started helping me with the pre-paid phone I had purchased. I hadn't asked him. Turns out he had a lot of tech knowledge. We worked as a team (I read the tiny print and he did the rest!) and still couldn't make it work. Again, I received his support and patience (there were so many details needed to activate it - who knew it would be harder than buying a regular phone!) I was in receiving mode already with the healing process. So it was an easy match for Lou to provide another type of help.
Those all happened with ease in the moment. The next example required me to step up my receiving a bit more.
After I returned home, I called my friend Deb Marsella and asked her if she and Dawn (above - I had already asked her) could help me install a curtain rod in my bedroom. Deb offered her husband's help. They were coming over already to help me figure out the garage door opening process if the power goes off (this has happened twice and I couldn't get my car out. Freaked out!)
My first response was to say, "No. Kirk doesn't need to spend his precious weekend time helping me with this project." A couple days later Deb texts me to tell me she had talked with him and they were coming over Saturday to do both projects. Ok. I had to turn around my response and allow myself to be taken care of in this way.
Bless his heart, Kirk did an excellent job and I now have blackout curtains for both reducing light and cold on my bedroom window.
The cost of not receiving, from either direct requests or offers, can lead to intimacy barriers. Reminder, I'm not saying it's always aligned to receive what is being given.
I was watching the movie Notting Hill this week. There is a scene in William's travel book shop (Hugh Grant) when Anna (Julia Roberts) is being asked out on a date by a male shopper who just tried to steal a book. It's perfectly appropriate for her to say no, which she does, "Tempting, but no."
The important consciousness is to be aware of where you not receiving help or support and it is causing tension, stress and/or intimacy barriers. Maybe something could shift if you allow it.