Improving Communication Skills by Making Direct Requests

One of the biggest challenges I see in relationship communication is a lack of clarity. People tend to not be direct, specific and tangible in asking for what they want. Sometimes it's because they don't know and sometimes they do know but are uncomfortable being direct.

What if "making direct requests" in your style of communication could be the big secret to improving your communications with others? I think it can.  Knowing other people's communication style(s) provides so much clarity. Others may have a completely different design than you do.

That's what is being addressed in this blog. 

In your hands there is a line called the heart line, that is specifically designed for communicating with others. Each of the four heart line types (Passionate, Big Heart, Hermit, Romantic Idealist) has a different style of making direct requests, which can have a big impact on relationship dynamics.

Note: this is only one line in the hands. Other markings may influence communication for a person.

The Passionate Heart Line (fire)
The Passionate Heart Line's energy is: "I want what I want and I want it now." 

Identifying one's desire(s) is a major part of the Passionate's design, which is not true for all heart/love lines. It's a short heart line, ending at the middle/Saturn finger which means it's designed for identifying one's desires with more ease than long heart lines.

On the master path, the Passionate is able to ask, "I'd like to go to Mario's for dinner on Saturday evening at 6:30 p.m. Would you be willing to make reservations?" 

It's a direct request. Clear. Specific. 

An indirect or manipulative request, which causes huge amounts of frustration could be, "I'd like to out to dinner for Italian on Saturday."   

The person on the receiving end may feel they have a choice of which Italian restaurant. Or what time since no specific is requested. It's a set up, if the Passionate is only desiring Mario's, It's a set up for strife in the relationship. It's a set up for failure, maybe a fight, gathering evidence that your partner doesn't hear you - all made up by not asking directly.

The Hermit Heart Line (earth)
Driven by safety and security, the earthy Hermit Heart line trusts action more than words. Trust is a big deal with Hermit heart lines. 

Hermits are clear about what works for them and often they will take action, just go "do it" instead of talking out loud.

Saying things out loud is not a normal Hermit style because they are cautious and reserved about sharing feelings. And don't want to be exposed in a way that something can be used against them later. 

A Hermit's direct request could be an announcement instead of a request. "I am going to the hardware store." 

On the Master Path, including a time they might return would be a more direct communication. "I'll be back in an hour."

On the student path, a Hermit might just leave without any communication. Maybe text from the hardware store. Or not.   

The Big Heart (water)
The Big Heart is a "long" heart line because it goes all the way across the hand to the index (Jupiter) finger. 

Long heart lines pay attention to the emotional needs of others often before their own emotional desires.  

Nurturing others, connection with others and recognizing what others want/desire or need is easy for the Big Heart. 

Because it's a curvy line, a strong desire to express feelings, to verbalize, to be physically affectionate is normal. 

Making a direct request from a Big Heart may look like this, "I'd love to have the table cleared." Not to anybody specific.  

Or when more direct, "Jane, I would be so honored if you cleared the table" as she touches Jane's arm.

One other option, could be as direct as a Passionate occasionally, "The table needs to be cleared. Jane, please do this right after dinner, OK?"

On the student path, a Big Heart may feel too selfish to ask directly for something. Because they are so "other focused" their own desires can take a back seat. 

Thus a direct ask from this place may be more hidden within a couple of other sentences.  "The table looks so much better when there aren't a bunch of dishes on it. I'd so appreciate if Jane would be willing to clear it after dinner. Jane, is that an option?" 

The Romantic Idealist
The Romantic Idealist, like the Big Heart, is a "long" heart line because it goes all the way across the hand to the index (Jupiter) finger. 

As a reminder, long heart lines pay attention to the emotional needs of others often before their own emotional needs.

This heartline is the shyest of all about making direct requests. It's straight so "cautious and reserved." Plus, the line is long meaning other people's feelings are taken into account first. 

Making a direct request from a Romantic Idealist will be well considered, thought through, taking into account how others might respond before taking the risk. 

When it feels right and the RI person feels confident to ask, the request could be very direct, forthright. And maybe done in writing. I know with two of these heart lines, I prefer writing to speaking requests. So grateful for texting and email! I rarely pick up the phone to ask for what I desire.

Here is one I did recently via text, "Would you be willing to review some content for my book?" Then I explained (being considerate) the purpose of it because I wanted that person to feel clear about the request so saying "yes" would be easier.

On the student path, a Romantic Idealist may ponder and consider for days before asking. They want to "consider and weigh" the options. Then, may still do it in writing!    

It's helpful to know that each person has their own style, by design, on how they communicate. It helps every relationship to take this into account, to consider other people's style without judgment, without blame and definitely with an open heart.